| Home Making |
Chapter 4 |
Page 17 |
This is not the place to present theories of family government; I am trying only to define the parents’ part in making the home. So far as their children are concerned, their part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them. Only this much may be said – whatever may be done in the way of governing, teaching or training, theories are not half as important as the parents’ lives. They may teach the most beautiful things, but if the child does not see these things in the life of the parent he will not consider them important enough to be adopted in his own life. To quote here the words of another: “You cannot give your child what you do not possess: you can scarcely help giving your child what you do possess. If you are a coward you cannot make him brave; if he becomes brave it will be in spite of you. If you are a deceiver you cannot make him truthful; if you are selfish you cannot make him generous; if you are self-willed you cannot make him yielding; if you are passionate you cannot make him temperate and self controlled. The parent’s life flows into the child’s life. We impress ourselves upon our children less by what we teach them than by what we are. Your child is a sensitive plate; you are sitting before the camera; if you do not like the picture the fault is with yourself. One angry word from your lips will outweigh a hundred rebukes of anger. One selfish deed, one social deception will do more to mar than a hundred homilies can do to make.”
What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.
Men say that into the strings of some old Cremona violin the life of the master who once played upon it has passed, so that it is as an imprisoned soul, breathing out at every skillful touch. This is only a beautiful poetic fancy. But when a little child in a mother’s bosom is loved, nursed, caressed, held close to her heart, prayed over, wept over, talked with, for day, weeks, months, years it is no mere fancy to say that the mother’s life has indeed passed into the child’s soul. What it becomes is determined by what the mother is. The early years settle what its character will be, and these are the mother’s years.
Page 17
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